Fred: My weirdoes all, good morning!

All: Fred! Good morning!

Fred: I hope you're all quite well.

All: Quite well. And you, Fred?

Fred: I have seen Rutherford already, and now my day is bright.

All: You're very strange, Fred.

(Brief musical interlude during which everyone mills around while waiting for the song to actually start.)

Fred: I am the goddess of the great Weird World

All: And a powerful goddess she.

Fred: I am very, very strange, and possibly deranged, and that's as it should be.

All: She is very, very strange, and possibly deranged, and that's as it should be.

Fred: So often fights break out, and people scream and shout
And the weirdo's start to take sides.
However cross I may be when they act like they are three
I never, never scold my guides.

Weird World Guides: What, NEVER?!

Fred: No, never.

Weird World Guides: What never?

Fred: Well, hardly ever.

All: She hardly ever scolds her guides...
And give three cheers for the great and feared
Almighty goddess of the World of Weird.
And give three cheers for the great and feared
Goddess of the World of Weird!

Fred: I do my best to satisfy you all.

All: Then why is our pay so low?

Fred: You get minimum wage, and standard holidays, and you should be grateful, you know.

All: We get minimum wage, and standard holidays, and we should be grateful, we know.

Fred: When the paperwork stack grows, productivity slows
And people their tasks do shirk.
But however few the hands and great the demands
I'll never give you too much work.

All: What never?!

Fred: No, never.

All: What, never?

Fred: Well, hardly ever.

All: She'll hardly ever give us too much work...
Then give three cheers for the great and feared
Stingy goddess of the World of Weird.
And give three cheers for the great and feared
Goddess of the World of Weird!